I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
