I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
