you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize