I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
