He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
