in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
