why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
