too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize