he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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