Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
