Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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