it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
