im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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