I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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