I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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