Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
