So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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