Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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