THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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