Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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