i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
