I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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