I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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