Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
