i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
