just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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