I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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