Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
