what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
