fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize