glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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