she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
