And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
