Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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