he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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