I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
