I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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