maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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