god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
