Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
