Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
