Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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