I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
