He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize