I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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