I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize