I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
