shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
