can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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