if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
