I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
