Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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