It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
