I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
