is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
