I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
