I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was confusing and full of hummus
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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