Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
