Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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