New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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