"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
