if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
