Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
