She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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