god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
wow bdsm is so cute
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
