I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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