So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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