ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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