paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
