...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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