Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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