Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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