i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
