But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
