I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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