Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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