you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
