i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
