I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My bed smells like the plague
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
