The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
