good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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