we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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