Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
