Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
