I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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