she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
