Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
