Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
