So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
