You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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