dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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