the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You ruined the universe
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
