We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
