Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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