I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
