Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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